Yesterday I asked a colleague how she was doing, she replied that she was doing well. I said that I was pleased to hear it and asked after he partner who had been unwell.
She then asked me how I was doing and I replied “I’m very thanks”. She said that was great and then continued into a conversation.
If I ask you, I’m actually asking. What about you? Is it a platitude or friendly greeting, or is someone engaging with you and really cares. My response is one way of finding out if the other person is really listening. I would expect someone who is listening to either laugh (because they know me) or respond with a “very what?”
It doesn’t take much to engage a little with people, even a smile from a perfect stranger, with no more meaning than acknowledgement of your existence from a fellow human being, matters. I’d really welcome some comments here because this interests me.
Next time someone asks you how you are, whether or not you respond with a platitude, if you have a moment, ask them how they are, in reply. Listen to their answer and show that you listened with empathy. Ask a question or offer a positive response relevant to their response. Show them you care and try to make it a habit. Then please come back to this blog and tell me how it went.
I’d really like to know.
Luigicappel's Weblog 
I often have that question (actually make that always) asked of me by someone ringing and wanting send or sell me something. Sometimes I have asked how are you… other times they I have not asked them this question…but they think they have heard me say it and they tell me they are doing fine…they have been so preconditioned they hear questions that were never spoken. Good point Luigi, and if i ask you this question and you reply in the affirmative I want to celebrate with you life is well for you and if in the negative then I want to know as maybe I can help you.
Thanks Kevin and the great thing to me is that you are 100% sincere in that. Appreciate it. We need more people like you:)
You can always tell if someone is asking “How are you” that it just a greeting when you reply and end with a “And how are you” The ones that are not listening do not reply back but go on with what they want to say to you. They usually have an agenda that is important to them. The art of communication is listening and few know how to do this it seems.
Very insightful Luigi and very true.
I think its a difficult one to get right, if you show to much interest and you are like me single, then a person could get the wrong idea, its about building relations and then following that up be demonstrating genuine care for that given individual.
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It is nice when people stop and say, no really, tell me more. I do that sometimes and get great results. In the south we have these auto “i’m great” responses, so digging in surprises people and makes them smile.