It’s been a while since I last posted on this topic and I know some of you are more comfortable reading this than asking how I’m doing.
In a nutshell, I’m improving. My last test a couple of weeks ago was the first time my PSA levels have come down, although not as low as we need them to be. In 10 weeks I’ll have another test and we’ll hopefully see that it is trending down, which will mean tests every 3 months and I’ll be on the mend.
In the meantime I still suffer from fatigue 24:7 but not as bad as it was and when I’m busy and focused on doing things, I don’t notice it. But that also means that it is really easy to overdo it and if I have a really busy day at work, or even just at home, I pay for it.
I now have some nights when I don’t fall asleep at 7:30 or earlier, but it is still more common than not that my wife wakes me up somewhere between 8 and 9 to tell me to go to bed and off I trot, feeling ripped off both because I’m missing out on my time and our time and I feel bad about leaving her on her own each evening, while I trot off to sleep. It’s also frustrating that you feel tired all day whether you had 5 hours sleep or 12 hours sleep.
Anyway, what I’m focusing on is looking forward to things and trying to live in the moment. We have spent much of our lives looking to pay off our mortgage and reducing debt, rather than living life for today. Cancer makes you want to make sure you have taken care of your loved ones financially, but it also makes the bucket list more important. One of the things on my bucket list that I was confident I would never have is the new toy we bought.
I have always loved Corvettes and now I have one and I love it. Hopefully my wife and I will have fun doing road trips and make lots of new memories. Living in the now isn’t easy and it is important to be financially secure if you can. It is also important to have fun and enjoy life, which isn’t easy when sometimes life feels like crap. It doesn’t have to be a cool car, it can be just looking forward to going out for lunch or catching up with a friend you haven’t seen for a while. It is important to have a focus that takes your mind off the fact that you have cancer. Doing things that make you happy creates good chemical reactions in your body and if you are creating endorphin’s that has to help your immune system.
I want to share a poem with you that reflects a bit of the feeling I had about living. It was written by Alistair Morrison and I hope I’m not breaking any copyright laws by sharing it.
Such a Good Boy
He never said ‘Die’ to the living
He never said ‘Scat’ to a cat.
He never said ‘Boo to a Kangaroo.
He never did this or that.
He always kept clear of propellers
Never spoke to the man at the wheel
He always said ‘thanks’ to people in banks
And always took food with his meal.
He never took umbrage, or opium
Or ran round the rugged rocks
He never missed school, or acted the fool
And always wore woolen socks.
He never sat on a tuffet
Or pulled out a plumb with his thumb
And never in churches left ladies in lurches
Or opened the OP rum.
He never pinched little girls bottoms
Or peered down te front of their necks
Considered it folly to covet a dolly
Or think of the opposite sex.
He never did anything nasty
He never got stinking or cried
Unmarred by one speckle, a permanent Jeckyll
With never a shadow of Hyde.
He never called anyone ‘Drongo’
Or even ate peas with a knife.
He never crossed swords with the overlords
Such a good boy all o his life.
When he finally died and was buried
His loving ones tried to mourn
They put at his head a tablet which read
“Here he lies, but why was he born”.