Musicians with Cancer and Other Maladies is NOT about money or donations, or benefits, it’s about Friends reaching out for each other.


Yesterday we had the opportunity to catch up with some old friends we haven’t seen for a while, you know the kind, where the years melt away and it as if the last time you saw them was yesterday. Of course one of them also had cancer, you can’t escape it, so that made two of us.
There was classic discussion about how do you talk to people with cancer and there’s no easy answer to that. Don’t ask “How are you?” We get asked that all the time and you probably don’t want to hear the answer. Also, when we are getting treatment the doctors and nurses ask how we are doing and need to train us to share all the gory details, so you could find that asking that question leads to even more awkwardness. By all means do ask if there is anything you can do to help. I’ve had lots of kind offers, most of which I haven’t taken up, mostly because of fatigue, but the offers mean the world to me, truly.
One of our friends asked about my new Facebook group Musicians with Cancer and other Maladies and asked if it was about getting donations. The simple answer is a resounding NO. I’m not looking for money, I’m not after benefit concerts; and having trolled YouTube looking for something similar to what I’m trying to establish for other musicians, I can’t find anything. They all seem to be about donating to research or people who need help. So I understand why people might think that.
That’s great because it shows there is a need for something different. This is just about helping a friend. A lot of the videos I am posting are asking for money at the end of a heartbreaking story. There are groups who need that and we support many cancer charities and our Team, the Early Birds will be doing our 4th Relay For Life in March, but that is nothing to do with  this page.
s1560019-2What people need most is the encouragement of friends. For example when people shave their heads in support of cancer, what matters to the cancer sufferer isn’t the money, it’s the gesture of solidarity. When my beautiful empathetic granddaughter had her hair cut (which was her idea), it was so that it could be made into a wig for someone with cancer who had no hair.
So please, no money, I’m just looking to create an environment where people who have friends with a condition that makes it hard for them to motivate themselves get some support.
I’ve opted for musicians for a number of reasons, probably the most important is that playing music is cathartic, it generates good feelings for both the musician and the audience. But what I’ve found is that sometimes due to chronic fatigue in my case, or perhaps depression in other cases, you just can’t bring yourself to pick up your instrument, or if you pick it up, you don’t have the energy to play it.
motivational-txtHere’s an example of what I mean. I received this from a good friend who sends me a message every day. I also get similar messages from friends who are much worse of than I am.
I can tell you that even when I really feel too tired for anything and fatigue is a bitch, nothing like just being tired or sleepy, but I get the message and off I go to the music room and play. It helps my soul and spirit even if I don’t feel like it.
But this isn’t about me, it’s about creating a movement of people helping people. It looks like it’s going to be a hard slog to make this work but joining the Facebook Group even if you don’t know anyone with cancer right now, you will. Just knowing you have friends who care makes a big difference. If they see you post a comment or share a photo, video or story, you will make a connection.
This is an example of what I’m talking about. Not the advertisement at the end, just the concept of friends being there for each other.
Anyway, as usual this is turning into a book. My request for you is as a friend or associate of mine or of anyone that has cancer or depression or PTSD or whatever, join the Facebook group and tell a friend you are there for them. A lot of you are serial networkers and you can help by spreading the word through your network. You will be doing a good thing.
So send no money, just help pay it forward if you would be so kind. If music means something to you, if it has ever helped you, if your friends matter to you, this is a really small thing that could mean the world, even if just to a couple of people.
Thankyou so much. Feel free to leave a comment.

Why Don’t Grownups Understand?


When you are a child, everyone around you is a potential friend. Someone to play with, have fun with. Language, color, gender, disability, don’t matter. You see them in the playground, looking for someone based roughly on age and height, they make eye contact, they do a sort of ‘I’m open for contact’ dance, getting closer together and then just start playing together. Often they won’t even introduce themselves. Next thing you know they are laughing and playing and bringing more kids into their circle. In many cases the parents stay at a protective distance, but appreciate and encourage this interaction.

I used to love watching kids TV programs like Art Linkletter and Cosby Kids. I think one of the famous ones was used in the What The World Needs Now John F Kennedy assassination tribute, where they asked a kid what racism is and he said “I think it’s when you’re sick.” They asked “what is bigotry, and the answer was “I don’t know what biggory is.”

When WWII, ‘the war to end all wars’ was over, there were famous speeches, saying “this must never happen again”. Today it appears we have learned nothing. It may to some degree be propaganda when we see children carried, walked or driven away from bombing sites. The fact is, they are children and they are victims of man’s inhumanity to man. It continues daily in many parts of the world.

I don’t need to show it, you don’t need to be reminded of the actual scenes. It will be on CNN, BBC, Fox or your other favorite news TV station in the next 30 minutes, day after day.

So here’s my question? How do we go from kids, who understand that differences make us interesting, to adults who think we should all be the same and that to be different is a threat? How do we go from sharing our resources to wanting to take them from each other?

At some point we decide children should think along certain lines. We teach them prejudice, we teach them fear and hatred. We teach them on the street, in our homes, we teach them in our schools and we teach them in our places of worship.

I watched the kids in Gaza on TV last night. I saw the looks in the faces as their bodies and lives were wrenched apart, the confusion, the terror, the blank gazes of minds dazed beyond comprehension They were just playing. They don’t understand. They’re just kids. But I’m an adult and I still don’t understand. Does that mean I haven’t grown up?

One of the real ironies to me is that we all have kids. We have all been kids. We have all been taught prejudices by our parents and those around us.

So here’s a thought. Why don’t we change the curriculum?

I’m Very Thankyou


ChillinYesterday I asked a colleague how she was doing, she replied that she was doing well. I said that I was pleased to hear it and asked after he partner who had been unwell.

She then asked me how I was doing and I replied “I’m very thanks”. She said that was great and then continued into a conversation.

If I ask you, I’m actually asking. What about you? Is it a platitude or friendly greeting, or is someone engaging with you and really cares. My response is one way of finding out if the other person is really listening. I would expect someone who is listening to either laugh (because they know me) or respond with a “very what?”

It doesn’t take much to engage a little with people, even a smile from a perfect stranger, with no more meaning than acknowledgement of your existence from a fellow human being, matters. I’d really welcome some comments here because this interests me.

Next time someone asks you how you are, whether or not you respond with a platitude, if you have a moment, ask them how they are, in reply. Listen to their answer and show that you listened with empathy. Ask a question or offer a positive response relevant to their response. Show them you care and try to make it a habit. Then please come back to this blog and tell me how it went.

I’d really like to know.

 

We Will Remember Them – Our ANZAC Soldiers


We are not a militaristic nation, we Kiwis. However we have a proud fighting tradition, standing up for democracy and human rights all over the world. We lost many men and women in the World Wars and on many other fronts such as Viet Nam and Korea. Once a year on ANZAC Day, we remember them and those who have fallen since, in Afghanistan, East Timor and other fronts. In RSA Clubs around the country the dwindling numbers of vets and their families have a beer, share a yarn, have a dance and a sausage roll and club sandwich and share the ANZAC Prayer.

“They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old. Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them.”

Then they play the last post, we stand proud and we remember.

Laying the Kings Wreath 2011

Laying the Kings Wreath 2011

My late father in law was a few months from his final rest after a terrible fight with cancer. He served in the Air Force in Guadal Canal and other locations during World War II and my mother in law was a Wren. You should have seen her march in the parade, as erect as she would have been in her youth. Now we are left with photos and memories, not only of our people, but of their reunions with their fellow service people, remembering the fun times and remembering the fallen and the horror as the nights went on. The things that they could only discuss with those who had shared the experiences. The things we civilians can’t appreciate because we weren’t there. The trenches, the mud, the desert, the beaches, the waiting, the camaraderie, the fear, the relief, the moments of respite, the people in the countries where they served, who looked at them with gratitude and relief, coming home with their cobbers, coming home without their mates.

Today is ANZAC Day and we remember our lost and respect those who remain. I’m proud to be a Kiwi, even though I am an import. In some ways more so because, while I haven’t experienced war first hand, I was born in Holland and the Allies rescued our country from the ravages of 5 years of occupation.

When I was in the USA again last year, I was humbled by the respect shown to all veterans in all places. Everywhere I went, I met and shook hands with people who had served. Everywhere I went, people thanked them for their service. Every concert I went to, we stood and people were thanked for their service. Of course the numbers of people who have served in the USA are so many more on a ratio than in New Zealand. They are more visible as well. While there is a lot of negativity towards US involvement around the world, I have to wonder with a shudder what our world would be like if they weren’t there. I also think about the fact that we are talking about individual people, with partners, children, parents, who are stepping outside of their lives to do the right thing for their country. They all have their own stories.

That’s what motivated me, after 6 months of research, to write the song Another Stretch in Iraq, my Christmas song for 2007. I remember performing it in a ‘biker friendly’ bar in Florida, seeing a couple of 6 foot something men coming to the stage and thinking “I’m going to get beaten to a pulp” as the came towards me with tears in their eyes. But no, they came to thank me and welcome me into the arms of their Desert Storm ‘family’, saying that I had taken them straight back to their Bradleys and MRE‘s.

Yet, as I sit here in my lounge and watch the ANZAC commemorations in New Zealand, I am reminded that we, at the bottom of the planet, far removed from all the fronts and global politics, do serve. We tend to be in peacekeeping forces these days rather than at the front lines, but you will find Kiwis in most countries where there is freedom to be preserved. We fight for human rights. We take global responsibility as we can and we care fiercely about freedom and democracy. To a large degree we do that because of those who lead by example, who took arms and piled onto planes and ships and those who didn’t come back.

We will remember them. We do remember them. Even if our eyes aren’t wet every day as they are this morning. We remember them and we honor them by trying to do the right thing for the future of our children.

I’m Tired Of You Amex


At a quarter past 5 this morning, my phone started vibrating on my bedside cabinet. My wife stirred next to me, asking “What’s that?” At that time in the morning, in the middle of a REM state, your mind starts racing, your heart starts pumping and you’re thinking someone in your family is hurt, sick, in crisis.

Several times over the last year I have had battles with American Express charging me whopping late payment fees for my account. It transpires that we did automatic payments the day prior to the due date through the National Bank (now ANZ) but it typically took 3 or more days for the money to trickle through to Amex, even though our bank statements showed that we had made the payments on time.

We asked for explanations from the bank and from American Express and no one could explain. It just seemed to go into a black hole and of course no one really understands black holes yet, so they couldn’t explain where the money went, why it took so long, nor how a few days later it would appear, LATE, into our Amex account. Maybe it has something to do with cosmic string overnight cash rates, but if so, the interest certainly didn’t come to us to help pay with the late fee.

AmexSo we agreed with Amex that we would pay several days earlier than the due date (funny how they ping consumers when the average company takes 72 days to pay their 20th of the month accounts) and they put us on a text service where they would let us know when the account was due and when they received the payment.

Up until now those TXT messages came through at a reasonable hour, but this morning (maybe reduced fees for out of business hours SMS?) they decided to TXT me at 5:16 AM.

Well thanks Amex, I know you aren’t going to charge me a late fee. but I haven’t slept since you woke me up and have a long day ahead with important business meetings. I just want you to know that this is not cool or helpful, and I’m kinda annoyed. I’d ring you and try to wake you up, but I’m sure I’d end up talking to a nice person somewhere in the world where it is business hours.

Perhaps someone can look into your systems and think about putting in a few rules?